can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
