that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
