@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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