i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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