All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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