I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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