He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dick very happy bro
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize