What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
