Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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