look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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