For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
