the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
