It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
