Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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