Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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