I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
