It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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