one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
