oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
