I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
