i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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