so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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