I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
