There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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