don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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