I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i think my cat just said my name.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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