Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
