Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
