We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize