her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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