The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
