I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm too high and old for this...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
