no one should ever give us hovercrafts
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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