wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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