i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
