You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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