Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
