Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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