We're facebook friends in real life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
