Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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