This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
