I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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