Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
