kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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