Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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