he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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