You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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