You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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