my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
