I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
