Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
