How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize