I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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