Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
