ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
