Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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