I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
smell my finger.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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