During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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