were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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