There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
