No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
