she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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