I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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