idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
