i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
