I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
