I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
