Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
